My Fear of Sharing the Fs

What makes up my day?  Where are my thoughts and efforts centered?  I have three major Fs in my life, my faith, my family, and my fitness.  There is never a question of will I make time for these three areas it is always a matter of when will I schedule it.  I do schedule it on my daily calendar based on the other demands of the day.  Since this is a major part of who I am then why is there fear? Why have I kept some of my fitness journey a secret and why is my faith not being shouted from the rooftops?

 Family is pretty easy for me.  I flood Facebook with pictures of my family; sometimes I am guilty of shielding Facebook from the reality.  My kids are not always perfect and we all have imperfections that may not make it on the timeline.  

Faith is the most important part of what makes me tick.  It defines my heart, my decision making, my ability to deal with trials, and the necessity of being humble through achievements.  I recognize that I have a loving Heavenly Father.  He hears and answers my prayers.  He gives me trials to strengthen me and he blesses me to achieve my accomplishments.  Faith as you can see is huge for me.  However, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints also known as the Mormons.  Beginning in High School I have very vivid memories of teachers and students mocking my religion and telling me I would be going to Hell for my beliefs.  I remember being at a Fellowship of Christian Athlete’s leadership conference and receiving their literature which clearly defined Mormons as members of a cult and not Christians.  I was devastated and embarrassed to be there.  These experiences continued throughout college.  I still lived my religion and never shied away from questions about my beliefs but I didn't necessarily go seeking them out either.  After graduation, I was teaching elementary school and became very close with some of my coworkers.  I had a coworker asking me questions one day and she told me that I seemed like I was defending myself and she hoped she hadn't offended me.  I realized then that my experiences had shaped me into being afraid and assuming that most people were attacking.  I have since changed and don’t assume that people are on the attack.  However, I still have moments of fear to share whether it is from fear of attack or fear of rejection to something I hold so dear to me. 

Finally, my last F is fitness.  This is the F that actually prompted me to write this entry.  I have struggled with my weight since I was old enough to care about being skinny.  I am almost 40 pounds lighter than I was in high school.  I am not entirely sure of the exact weight from those days.  I have known successes and many failures throughout this journey.  I began with P90 with my Dad on VHS while I was still in high school but guess what I quit.  I did most of it but never really changed the way we ate at home.  Then after my freshman year in high school something clicked and I knew it was time to make a change.  I ordered Slim in 6 from Beachbody and the transformation began.  I lost some weight and kept it off.  I did Slim in 6 again before I got married and lost some more weight.  Since then I have completed several other Beachbody programs always getting a little stronger and a little more fit.  So why wouldn't this be easy to share?  Well, there have been times in between those programs that I fell off the wagon after a while.  Sometimes I have failed due to my own weaknesses and sometimes I have failed due to health problems.  Along with infertility and those awful 6 months of treatment, I also have insulin issues and some other hormone mumbo jumbo that comes and goes.  This means that sometimes it seems that I am doing everything right but still not really seeing results.  I have been known to gain as much as 10 pounds in a week due to one of these imbalances.  I am also not a super model and sometimes I eat junk just because it is there.  This is where my fear of sharing this F comes.  What will people think if they know I am doing this program?  What if it doesn't work?  These things have kept me quiet unless asked directly.  I was looking at buying another Beachbody program to give myself a boost.   I had amazing results with PiYo but I had been using it for 6 months and was ready to mix it up.  After talking to a friend, she suggested I become a Beachbody coach.  I would get a discount and commission on things I sold and there is normally start- up cost but this would be waived for active duty military members.  I do LOVE saving money.   I thought about all the money that I had spent over the years on Beachbody.  I thought about how successful I had been on the programs.  I thought about how much private coaching I did with friends and family already.  I have learned a lot about food and fitness throughout my own journey.  In a moment totally unVanessa like I signed up as a coach.  Then I made my first brave entry on Facebook sharing the news.  I had a lot of people surprised and a lot of people congratulating me. 

This decision has changed me.  I am committed to living out loud; my faith, my family, and my fitness/food experiences are me.  I love my faith! I love my family!  I love working out!  These Fs all bring me joy and happiness.  I will try my best to not let fear keep me from sharing.  Who knows someone may be searching and want to join me.  I am so grateful for the Fs in my life and for the person I have become.  I don’t think the high school version of myself would believe that I just completed my second half marathon, love working out, and I am ready to share all of my Fs with anyone that wants to listen.