My Journey and The Announcement

Some of you know that getting pregnant with Joshua wasn't a one month adventure.  It took a couple of years and was quite an emotional road for both Matt and me.  I never needed any medical intervention eventually we did get pregnant on our own.  Although, I did see a doctor throughout the whole journey she was a believer of the holistic and natural approach to fertility.  Matt called her my "let's sing Kumbaya doctor" there was fertility yoga involved, special diets, decrease in exercise, blah blah blah.  It was a constant pendulum of trying to achieve the perfect fertility balance.  I am not going to lie that is difficult to take for a couple of years while others are accidentally getting pregnant all around you.  However painful the journey was growth did occur.  Matt and I grew as a couple in charity towards each other.  I also learned that you can do everything in the world but sometimes you are simply not in control.  We definitely felt that Joshua was born at a perfect time in our lives and that God was in control of the situation.  We both know that he loves us and wants what is best for us in our lives. The tricky part is that trials and adversity can sometimes be what is best for us.

Now, after Joshua was born we decided no more birth control.  I thought if I end up being one of those "oops" pregnant people so be it.  Well when Joshua was 9 months old we decided it is time to get pregnant so I could be one of those crazy moms with kids 18 months apart.  I am saying crazy in the most endearing way because I wanted to be one of you.  I had this dream of having a big family with kids close together and we would just all be in the same season of life at one time.  Well a year after that decision there was no baby despite my best efforts of "kumbaya medicine" but I received a random call from the military medical facility here saying we would like to schedule you for your yearly female physical.  Seriously odd to me.  None of my other military friends received a call like that so not believing in coincidences I was stoked.  I went for my visit and the doctor immediately put me on fertility medicine and scheduled me for a series of tests as well as putting in a referral for a fertility specialist.  I received my referral and had an appointment only 2 weeks later once again unprecedented speed in the military.  I was so happy because honestly this is what I had wanted years previously when I had gone to the doctor for help.  Just write me a prescription and make it all better.  My husband wants to be an anesthesiologist we believe in drugs in our house.  So shoot me.  Anyway, I will fast forward to 6 months later.  Nothing was working and my body was actually getting crazier than before I began the treatments.  Now, I was in a serious predicament.  I believe in God and his will but I also believe that he led men to create modern medicines and treatments.  I believe that he can bless us with anything in the world but I also believe that we have to do our part.  So you see now I was in a situation because I knew that pregnancy could occur on its own for me since it had before but I also felt that medicine can help.  I was quickly becoming miserable on the fertility treatment road but I had felt like everything had fallen so perfectly in place that it was meant to be.  This was a very emotional time of not wanting to be a quitter but wondering if there was ever going to be an end to this road.  I had my limits physically and financially with this fertility adventure.  After much prayer and pondering, we decided that we would give it one more month and if nothing happened then we would walk away from the fertility doctor.  We did and I have been so happy!

In the background of this time with the fertility doctors I randomly met women who have been blessed by adoption either by choosing to place a baby for adoption or being the recipient of such a tender gift.  I wanted to be completely committed to one path or the other because there are a lot of costs involved with adoption and that financial commitment begins on day 1 of the process.  I really wanted to know that adoption was what we were supposed to do before taking that leap.  The fertility doctors really give you that hope of just one more month and this is going to be it.  Even though I didn't feel that adoption was necessarily for me at first I kept having experiences and thoughts randomly scattered throughout the last year and a half.  Fast forwarding to the end of this part of the journey, we did indeed decide to adopt.  We have been diligently working on fingerprinting, cpr certifications, interviews, family histories compiled, adoption education training, and insane amounts of paperwork.  I can't say that I know for 100% that a baby will come to us through adoption as the agency we are working with the birth mother actually chooses the family.  However, I can say this has already been an amazing experience.  Matt and I have learned so much about each other as we have worked through the mountain of papers and questionnaires.  I still have faith that whatever is meant to be will be.  Either a baby is joining our family through adoption or God is just preparing me to be the most empathetic person to all parties on the fertility journey.  :-)